It was September 16th, 2016 when I bought my ticket back to Morocco. It had only been two days since my exploratory one week visit to Rabat. I knew my life needed to change, it seemed Morocco and Rouchdi were just what the doctor ordered. Rouchdi and I met online at the start of the summer. We talked all throughout the day everyday. He gave me the courage to once again walk away from everything that I knew and face the unknown. Having said that it was about 6 weeks ago that I went back to re-read a blog I had written in 2010, when I took a leap of faith and moved to Costa Rica. I was dumbfounded and stricken. How could a human have exactly the same feelings about themselves and their own lives 6 years later? Was I that stuck in the mire of American life that, although things had changed, I moved away from St Augustine, I had spent 3 years working and saving, I had ankle surgery and knee replacement.I had money in the bank, I was living close to one of my oldest and dearest friends and soon, physically, I should be good as new, right? But, had nothing really changed deep within my gypsy heart? Was I just fooling myself living an unfulfilled life? Overwhelmed by these questions and the words I read, all I could do was cry. The ultimate realization that everything material did not make me happy, it only weighed me down with a heaviness that crushed my gypsy heart and soul……
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
How it all Began….
This blog started it all… http://gypsyheartdesigns.blogspot.com/…the adventure of selling my art on the street and the expression of writing about it. It’s amazing how simple musings can change your world. Part of a recent blogging epiphany came in the form of these words: Gypsy Heart
When I was a little girl growing up, I had a lot of nicknames… the one I remember most is my Mom and Grandmother calling me a gypsy. The other day I thought about this name and decided to look it up…
Anyone who really knows me, might actually know that this is a pretty accurate description of fundamentally of who I am….
Funny, Mom was right about this one…Or was it that they planted this seed, in calling me a gypsy, that grew inside of me and into who I am today?
From those words, a new mindset was born. A switch to the true self, reborn. Everything is changing because of those words…the way choose to express myself and my art, the nomadic lifestyle I am about to embark upon…my Gypsy Heart set free. Free to roam and experience people and life in a whole new way…creating from a whole new perspective.
For now, melancholy is what I feel most of the time, as I think back to all the life I lived here, friends made and friends I’d lost, the search for my true voice as an artist, lazy days in the sun, selling my art in public forum for the first time…
7 years is a long time and now I am selling off all that I’ve accumulated in this life here in St Augustine. The “things” so many if us hold onto…things that make you feel comfortable, important, hip and cool…It is a changing of how I see myself and, in turn, how life and everything in it sees me. Stripped away will be the material…nothing but the truest self to be seen. The true beauty within, instead of the beautiful things I had around me. So, yes, melancholy I am.
The excitement and intrigue of life “on the road”. Traveling to places I’ve both been and never been…and all the people, places and experiences they will bring…Introducing myself and Gypsy Heart Designs to a new world. Uncertainty and anxiety intermingle with the melancholy as I embark on this new adventure we call life…and as I sit here writing these words. Here’s hoping my Gypsy Heart doesn’t get broken along the way…for that is my greatest fear…the harsh realities and pain that life can bring…but until that day comes, my Gypsy Heart is struggling a bit to be set free…on the never-ending search for true happiness.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We as ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of the Goddess. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you.
We were born to manifest the glory of the Goddess that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
As we let our light Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.